Three weeks ago, I started what I thought was a cold and although it was unpleasant, to me, to the self-employed me, it was nothing to make a fuss about and I needed to “just get on with it!”
2 days later (sparing you the gory details) I ended up in bed with a horribly high temperature, every bone, including my teeth aching and a cough like I smoked 60 fags a day!
I don’t have time for this!
All those self-employed, reading this now will know the fear of illness that stops you working. You don’t get sick pay; you try to keep days off to the minimum and you do everything in your power to overcome it and get back to work.
Well, that wasn’t going to happen.
I couldn’t lift my head off the pillow, trying to get my dog out for a walk ended up being a pyjama clad dash to the near park whilst wrapped in scarves and suchlike and then wobbling home to fall back into bed. Needless to say, that didn’t help with the guilt I was already feeling. My GP told me I had an exceptionally nasty dose of the flu and the only thing that was going to help was rest!
What was I going to do?
My husband was away with work, my stepson works long hours, and I was feeling very sorry for myself. It was at this point when I was snottily having a good cry (and a further coughing fit) that I realised how rubbish I was at a) giving in to being ill and b) asking for help which is ironic when I do the job that I do.
I was feeling angry.
I even started feeling angry – why were people not looking out for me? Why was I having to do this on my own and manage when I felt so wretched? Simple answer…..I hadn’t told anybody. I had played down the symptoms to those who had checked in and in true Kate fashion, thought that I should just get on with it and not bother people.
It came to a head.
After a few days of feeling progressively worse, I then decided that I had to be brave and ask for some help. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I can’t tell you how difficult it was to pick up the phone and tell a friend that I couldn’t cope. What did she do? She came straight around armed with various medication, some fresh fruit and a telling off for letting it go on so long. She then convinced me to book Barney into doggie day care and just give in to being ill for a few days.
Even then, it took me another couple of days of getting no better for me to listen to her and book Barney in. I then spent the next 4 days taking care of myself, staying in the warm, not stressing (well only a little bit) about not doing anything and allowing myself to start to recover.
Guess what?
I started to feel better. The banging headache was gone and although the cough is still hanging around and it takes me double the time to do any normal task, I’m on the mend.
Lesson to be learned.
It is really hard being self-employed and poorly, you do feel under immense pressure to return to work, and I also hate letting my clients down. BUT I now see the value in properly taking care of myself as I believe if I hadn’t taken this time, I would actually still be in bed. Not one of my clients has been upset with me, in fact they have been patient and kind and urged me to not rush back to work too quickly and I’m going to listen to them.
I will be reminding myself of this episode in my life in the future, I do really need to learn from it – it’s okay to give in when you need to and it’s really okay to ask for help.
