With so many self-help books, so many podcasts about this subject, you’d think that we would have all mastered the art of “loving ourselves!”
As Valentines Day approaches, it can stir up all sorts of emotions for many reasons (I’ve written lots of blogs on the subject in the past) and the media is filled with love stories but also, I’ve noticed, so many articles on “Learning to love ourselves.”
Loving yourself first.
It has been claimed on numerous occasions that until you love yourself, you are unable to love or be loved by someone else, well I’m sorry, but I disagree!
Personally, I think we can have healthy and meaningful relationships when we like ourselves. It doesn’t need to be all or nothing.
What does loving yourself mean?
What does loving ourselves even mean? To some people it feels incredibly self-indulgent? Do we sound big headed? It’s not something that we are taught as we grow up (perhaps that should change?) Does it mean that we are successful in all we do or that we are just more accepting of who we are? But, are we okay if we just like ourselves? What does liking ourselves look and feel like?
I know there are bits of me I really like, there are parts of me that I am really proud of. There are areas in my life where I could do better – I’m most certainly NOT perfect, nor do I want or need to be. Does this mean I don’t love myself?
Learning to like yourself a bit more.
To me this is a better place to start! Even this can feel cringeworthy and quite emotionally challenging but how lovely would it be to really like yourself, to be proud of who you are and what you do?
What can you start with?
- Think of 3 things that you like about your appearance – it doesn’t have to be the obvious. For me, I like my hands, I have really nice feet, I have a very smiley smile. Make a note and remind yourself regularly of these things you like.
- Pick 3 things that you are proud of – again, doesn’t need to be major achievements. For me, I’m proud of how I cared for my dying Mum. I’m proud of building a successful coaching practice. I’m proud of my kindness towards others.
- Pick 3 qualities that you like about yourself – if you struggle with this, what have your friends said about you in the past? I am known for being non-judgemental. I am kind, I am fair.
Just taking the time out to properly think about the things you like about yourself is a really positive action. If you can’t think of 3 things, start with2 or even 1 in each category and build on that.
What if all of that feels too tricky?
Finally, if it really is too hard to do this for yourself right now (and sometimes it just is) have a think about how a friend or good family member might describe you, what would they say? I bet there is something to like in there!
So this Valentine’s day rather than getting caught up in the negative narrative, focus on the positives, the things you like about yourself – you owe yourself that much and we all need to start somewhere.
