It’s by no coincidence that I am writing this post at a time of year where we can be pushed and pulled by so many different things. As we head towards the end of the year, we are already feeling a little weary and then to add another layer of weariness, the social diary starts to get a little too busy.
Saying no.
Most of us find it really quite hard to say no. We like to be nice; we like to please people and we also worry that if we turn things down, we won’t get asked again. All of these feelings are totally understandable but not necessarily a good reason to say YES.
So, how do we learn to say no?
Firstly, I would recommend you putting yourself in a position where you have time to think about the invite. This isn’t always possible but IF, you receive a text with an invite, you do not have to reply straight away, you can tell them you will need to check your diary or and with your partner before you get back to them. Give yourself space to think about whether this is something you actually want/can manage to do.
Giving yourself time to say no.
The “no” response: “Thank you so much for thinking of me but unfortunately I can’t make it this time.”
If you are put on the spot, the same applies really – “thank you for the invite, that sounds great, but I do need to check with X or look on the family calendar at home, can I get back to you?”
Why are you saying no?
When you have created that space for yourself, ask yourself whether you are saying yes because it’s something you’d really like to do OR because you are worried about hurting someone’s feelings. Really dig deep and decide if saying yes will serve you well and not put you under added pressure.
What could I be saying yes to?
I really like the coaching question – “By saying no to this, what am I saying yes to?”
So by saying no to an invite to a dinner or drinks party, you could be saying yes to a chilled night at home, a long bath and an early night?
Saying no to a friend’s shopping trip one weekend, you could be saying yes to getting on top of all the jobs on your to do list that have been niggling away at you?
You need to practice saying no.
Learning to say no is like anything, it can feel very uncomfortable at first but if you practice it, it becomes easier, something that can make a big difference to your life and you find out that the world doesn’t cave in if you don’t always say yes!
